I am writing this blog to reveal my hidden feelings that I have kept secret for three and a half year. It was just recently that I started to talk about Bennett and her Cystic Fibrosis. I thought I was protecting her by not talking to my family, friends & fellow Cystic Fibrosis patients, mommies & daddies but all I was doing was hurting myself. I know she is sick and just how serious this illness truly is but I never wanted to accept the fact that one day I may lose my pride and joy. She is truly a blessing from god. Before she came along my life was going in a rapid downward spiral. Then April 5, 2006 I found out I was pregnant. It was the happiest day of my life. Then I told her father the guy that I was dating for awhile that we were expecting and he had walked out on me for the girl he was cheating with. That was a huge kick in the face. I accepted quickly that I was going to be a single Mommy. Four long & stressful months had passed. I was happier then ever. I went to my prenatal visit & had some blood work taken. It was a Cystic Fibrosis screen. It came back that I was the carrier of H177R. I then contacted Jason explaining everything and he went and was test. He is the carrier of DF508. Once this was all confirmed I then had to go in for genetic counseling and a series of ultrasounds. She has indications that she was going to have Cystic Fibrosis. As soon as I had gotten home that day I sat down with my laptop and began researching what Cystic Fibrosis was. Each link that I clicked on gave me a different outlook on the illness. I had myself a mess and my mom demanded that I stop researching online and just wait until she was here and go from there. On November 21, 2006 at 9:32pm a beautiful babygirl was born, weighing 7lbs 13oz & was 20 inches long. She was perfect in my eyes. She was as healthy as ever. I didn't want to believe that my daughter had a terminal illness. I did everything that my doctors told me to do. I followed every piece of advice thrown my way. I kept asking myself "why my daughter" "why me" "what did I do wrong". It was taking a toll on me emotionally and I broke down and needed to go to my PCP for help with my severe depression. May 4, 2007 Bennett & I were blessed with an amazing man. He is the best thing that has happened to Bennett & I. I told him the day that we met about her illness & that is takes alot of time and patience. There are many hours spent in doctors offices and hospitals. That we live our life day to day not knowing what tomorrow will bring. He came into our lives with open arms. He never complains about complexity of what Cystic Fibrosis entails. God knew that he was what we needed to survive. His name is Brad. He has been by our side for 3+ years. What more could we ask for? He truly is a godsend. What guy & his family would openly accept a girl and her terminally ill daughter as their own with no questions asked? I would not be on the road to acceptance if it wasn't for the amazing support that I have been receiving through Facebook. A select few may think that is crazy. But, facebook has helped me meet amazing people that are going through the same daily struggles as I am plus it is allowing my close friends and family meet those people as well through my posts and give them a better understanding of what this disease is all about. Bennett is very welled loved from Pennsylvania all the way across the continent. I also am very glad that I decided to start a blog about our daily lives because it feels good to open up about Bennett and our ups/downs. I want to thank every one of my amazing friends near and far. If it wasn't for all of you & Bennett, I truly do not know where I would be. I definitely would not be beginning the "healing" process. I am very thankful for Bennett, Brad, my family & friends. I truly appreciate all the love and support you give to Bennett & I during the roughest of times and even there when we are happy to make sure our spirits are up!
Xo
Emily
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